Husband dating another woman
We are raised to believe that when we are one half of a couple, we should derive all our happiness and pleasure from that single partner and only experience it together with that partner.
And compersion, of course, challenges this ideology.
It supports the idea that you are individual beings with perhaps divergent desires or needs.
Having separate sexual and love experiences doesn’t mean your relationship is a failure; to the contrary, it can actually strengthen your connection.
But I still want an erotic charge in my marriage — and sometimes that comes by way of another person. Let’s not pathologize these very natural eruptions of eroticism. Even if it sends my heart accelerating with some fear.
My husband and I deliberately choose to have conversations about what we do with these sexual attractions. Sometimes it’s “legalized cheating." I purposefully use this absurd phrase because “legalized cheating” seems to be the only way some people can wrap their minds around what I am doing. Because even if there's fear, there's an opportunity for a conversation, an openness, a dynamism that will keep the spark alive.
But in that moment in the backyard when my husband was describing a spontaneous makeout session, I felt exuberantly happy for him about his connection with someone else.
I felt slightly freakish for it, but it was at a point in our marriage when romance in the bedroom was at an all-time low.
But this experienced catalyzed a new, productive way of thinking for me, beginning with a series of essential questions: why did my husband and I have to maintain the status quo if it wasn’t working for us?Whose business was it if we wanted to be sexual with other people?And why wouldn’t we want to do something that was going to make our marriage work better?I saw a sudden reemergence of his vitalitythat I hadn’t fully seen in our domestic nest for many years.Now you're probably wondering what he was talking about. " I exclaimed, genuinely excited, “I am so happy for you! There’s actually a word for the joyful feeling that a polyamorous person has when his or her lover or spouse walks through the door after making love to another lover: it's called compersion.